nagging experiences

So i had this event last october that i have been thinking changed my life. Actually i think it would be more accurate to say it made me aware that my life needs to change. i've had to deal with lots of side affects physically and have had a fairly smooth complete recovery. most of that recovery has been successful due to hard work and a great therapist and doctor who made wise decisions for me. there is one part of the recovery though that has been out of my hands and that is the 12" x 4" wound that is scarring over. it did really well healing from the inside out until just one spot about the size of a quarter was left. its been 6-7 weeks of this same spot getting better and worse, smaller and bigger.





















what does any of this matter and why take the time to blog on it - well, as with everything it really parallels what's been going on with me in general.

ever feel like you are healing up really well? you've got the scars from wounds and life lessons but you are on the up swing and beginning to look towards the next chapter in your life only to take a look at that scar and see the nagging remains of infection and woundedness? I am realizing more and more that in my healing (im talking spiritual not physical) i continue to find patches that need attention or they just continue to hang around.

about a month ago i was telling my life story to a group and shared an event that happened 16 years ago. In the telling of my story i shared this event in the context that i "knew" what was going on with me at the time and i really believed that i had a grasp on it. after the session one of the people in the group shared some insights and asked directly "have you worked through that event"? in that moment i knew that i had not - i had let a scar develop that i could talk about as if it were healed but there was still a spot that was open and full of infection. that event has directly affected the way i have approached relationships throughout my adult life and my life has not been lived to its full potential because i've never treated this wound and allowed God to bring healing.

it was even more evident this week at a seminar that i have been attending. we were split up into groups with a leader that i had never even seen or spoken to before. after asking a few questions of some of the other members of the group he turned to me and asked if i had any insights on the topic we were discussing in relation to my life. i shared a few thoughts, he asked what i did at the church and then proceeded to strip away layers of my life and speak truth directly to me and challenge me to find health and identity in Christ. Amazing stuff. Its like he had observed me and knew exactly what i was thinking and dealing with - and he doesn't have any information on my past wounds and scars - he just observed my responses and what i was currently involved in.

Now i firmly believe God knows me and the areas that need healing and he used these two individuals to bring challenge to my life. the real issue i deal with though goes back to the opening of this blog - i know i need healing - i know my life needs to change - its starting the process that is so difficult.

the same person who challenged me on dealing with my past suggested i write out my life story in 5 year segments. i think i might try that - probably not for you all to read - more for me to actually lay eyes on my experiences and feelings. at this point i'm willing to give about anything a shot. i just want to BEGIN a healing process instead of TALKING about it.

how about you? are you ready to DO something about your past? are you willing to allow God to expose your infections and begin the process of healing?