influential experiences

i'm currently in a season where i am learning more and more how my past has shaped who i am today. one of the things continues to show up in my mind is the very unique and distinct differences between myself and my 3 brothers.

a key fact is that i am 10, 11, and 14 years younger than my brothers and so i grew almost in an entirely different generation. they each went on to college in the early 80's and i entered college in 1993.

whats really interesting is not necessarily how different i am than each of them but how unique they each are in relation to each other as well. here is a general breakdown of the path each of us has taken.

Brother R: born in 1961: Father of 2, Minister in the CMA church, married a girl he met at a christian college, moved around the midwest eventually ladning in north central ohio.

Brother D: born in 1964: Father of 1, scientist, after grad school married an italian/eastcoast girl, not religious, settled in the northeast.

Brother S: born in 1965: Father of 4, Sales Management, moved to california after college and married, catholic.

Brother M (me): born in 1975: Father of 2, Minister, married my high school girlfriend, moved to kentucky out of high school.

there's one point that is a common thread: we all left home and never returned once we went into college. I attribute this several things including the independent spirit our mother instilled in each of us and the big dreams our parents always encouraged us to chase. (my mother now regrets that independent spirit having to travel thousands of miles each year to see the grandkids!)

i know - i'm not really on point with this blog - stick with me!

here's the kicker: my parents where children of ministers and devoted christians and they themselves were committed christians and church volunteers. notice that all 4 of their sons have chosen different paths? Minister, Agnostic, Catholic, Minister. Wait a minute - 2 of those are the same and most would argue catholic is very similar. if you dig a little deeper you'll find that my oldest brother and I (both ministers) are similar in our beliefs but quite different culturally. i would consider him more conservative socially/culturally than i am (i can provide examples if you'd like). when it comes to my 3rd brother being catholic there are two key observations 1. he was raised in a town that had a strong catholic presence but was taught in our baptist church that they were not christians and 2. he's catholic because he married into a catholic family. he could of as easily been presbyterian.

notice that the two outside sons put an emphasis on faith (although in different generations and different expressions culturally) and the middle two sons did not? i talked with my parents about this once and got an interesting and revealing perspective from our dad. he shared with me their journey with the local church. as my oldest brother was coming up through school they were involved in a vibrant church that was ministering to the students. my parents also embraced relevant music and activities that engaged my brother (at the time keith green and andre crouch were the rage!). however, when their middle two sons came along in the middle school age the church was struggling and my parents attitude toward church was not positive at all. our dad felt obligated to serve as a volunteer music leader but our mother didn't want to attend and eventually left to go to another church. this caused (in my fathers mind) confusion and left an impression on my middle to brothers. by the time i came along our parents where back in the swing of church and volunteering and the youth program provided me with a great core group of friends.

i'm sure there are many more factors to why we have each chosen to approach faith in our own ways but the church "experience" that each of us were brought up under and our parents response to it certainly gives some perspective to how we can guide those around us with whom we have influence. i know my parents live with a certain amount of guilt (right or wrong) with their attitudes towards church during those years.

let's continue to be alert to those around us and under our care. when we look back in 20 years we'll be able to celebrate those experiences that have shaped their lives in a positive way.